The Story of a Troll, sort of
by Gnomish Librarian
Summary: New Chapter goodness! Now with the Hero! Still stuck in the swamp fun! All reviewers get edible goo!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter one: Barhopping doesn't count as a quest  
  
When minstrels sing the ballad of the troll that wasn't, they always start with the hero's first steadfast and true friends, the holy and wise cleric and the stoic and patient monk. The songs always start as the two steadfast friends preparing to leave the Halfing's tiny hamlet on their personal mission. That mission is often a discussion of late night talks around bards and scholars. Why it is no doubt noble and grand undertaking, it is sadly lost to one and all.  
  
"No, no, no, no!" snarled the human woman, her black eyes flashing and her hands balled up into fists "This is not what I meant!" The young monk's mere voice would have been enough to chill the blood of the most vicious goblin warrior in Misty Thicket.  
  
However they were not in Misty Thicket and her companion was not a vicious goblin warrior but a sweet looking halfing cleric. The halfing cleric looked up from her trunk with an innocent sweet look. Since the monk knew the cleric like a daughter knows her mother, it didn't work at all. The monk also knew her halfing friend practice it for when she got into a game of King's Court and other high-risk card games. The monk bent down and got nose to nose with the cleric-not such a great feat considering they were in a halfing clerical cell.  
"Visiting the taverns of Norrath is not what I bloody had in mind you short twit and you bloody know it." Snapped the monk turning a shade of pink and the bridge of her nose wrinkling up.  
  
The cleric smiled sweetly at her friend as if the potential damage, mayhem and death that the young woman could cause, was nothing to worry about.  
  
"You came to me, my lost sweet friend. You request my companionship in a journey to see the many zones of Norrath. Did I say nay? Did I give excuse? I, a small halfing, bravely following –nay aiding you against the dangers- "the cleric spoke in calm solemn tones one expected from a human or high elf cleric.  
  
"Dangers?" suddenly purred the monk in a dangerous silky tone "the dangers of Norrath?" Then the monk's voice exploded "WHAT GETTING TO DRUNK TO WALK STRIGHT?" flinging out her arms, nearly destroying a shrine to Cesar Romero.  
  
The cleric eyed her little fan shine. She had consider taking it as a good luck charm and a source of inspiration but decided that its proper place was always the temple of Bristlebane as a source of motivation to the younger clerics. Some can to the temple with crazy ideas like honor and justice.  
  
"Are you even listening to me?" snap the monk  
  
The halfing consider lying but decided to tell the truth. It was written in the Big Book of Mischief and Mirth to tell the truth every once in while for it confuses your foes.  
  
"No. You nearly broke my fan shine and then I was debating about taking it. Listen if you are only out to get a adventure or experience, something will come up." Said the Cleric slamming the trunk shut and turning around looking her friend in the face. "However if there is something specific you are after..."  
  
The monk was not adept at hiding what was up her sleeve as the cleric and the cleric knew that this trip had nothing about adventure, experience or seeing Norrath. However the monk's face transform itself into a fierce and silent glare.  
  
The cleric would and could hide what was up her sleeve as well was in her heart. She felt a strong jolt of pain but she wore a big smile as she cheerful spoke "Come on Monk, the bars are beckoning"  
  
Writer's note  
  
There is actually more chapters written for this story in a dog-ear notebook. I have a sort of plan. I guess when the hero is a troll sort of that is all right.  
  
Now a test to see if you were paying attention, why would there be a Cesar Romero shire in Bristlebane temple?  
  
Book of Mischief and Mirth stole tell the truth every once in while for it confuses your foes from Mark Twain.  
  
Standard Disclaimer. Don't own Sony. Don't own Everquest. Merely borrowing the world of Norrath as a backdrop. The only income is in the form of reviews. : ) 


	2. Was this GAte necessary?

Chapter 2: Was this gate necessary?  
  
The second stanza is especially popular among the bards of Bristlebane and his followers.  
  
Malfay the druid stood beside his guild master with a dreamy look and a funny smile. It wasn't a matter of pride of being a part of this ceremony. Any brilliant and well-built druid could have single-handedly acquired the two important gate potions.  
  
No he wasn't interested in this joint venture between rogues and druids. The rogues were to act as spies and if they return they would be properly compensated for the risk involved. These two were merely pawns in a big game.  
  
The cause of his joy was the lovely and shapely Benni. The sweet cleric had accepted his offer of bog juice (produced no less by his own hand) and Benni had allowed him to escort her to Misty Thicket this very morning. He told her about how he was on the fast track to being a master baker, how fast he was going through levels, the challenges of finding new challenges- her odd human acquaintance had sigh loudly throughout Benni and his entire conversation. Probably sickly and in need of clerical healing, he thought to himself as he watch the brutish rogues take the gate potions. The downside of being a cleric, it seemed to him, had to deal with sick or dying people always whining for a cure, never realizing the cost in mana is saving their sorry pathetic lives.  
  
The two high level shifty eyed rogues downed the gate potions. Malfay thought it showed ill manners on their part. However his high-minded attitude crashed suddenly when he realized that they remain firmly in their hometown. One wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Bog Juice" he grumbled and was about the sorry state of affairs in giving a brave soul bog juice when they face certain death. All rogues knew that the proper send off was something dwarven.  
  
Of course the rogue never got started in that lesson in roguish manners because Malfay screamed like a little girl and turn into a wolf. As soon as four paws touch the ground, the druid was moving toward the tunnel leading to Misty Thicket. He knew that he would reach his beloved Benni before she drank the ill-fated gate potion.  
  
Benni the cleric and her odd human acquaintance having reached the PoK book took a swig of the bog juice for good luck.  
  
"That bog juice has a little more kick than usual." Said the tiny cleric eyeing the empty bottle.  
  
"A good luck drink?" snapped the monk waving her arms in all directions. It gave odd impression she was trying to levitate without benefit of the spell. "Your boyfriend gave us gate potions. Look around."  
  
The cleric looked around. The two of them were sitting on one of many islands in the middle of a dark and dreary swamp. It smelled funny and in the distance they look like giant bugs and dancing mushrooms.  
  
Benni sighed, "A whole lot more kick than bog juice." 


	3. Chapter 3 A Chapter as big as the Karana...

It was dark, scary, smelly and quiet in the swamp. In the distance they could see dangerous beasts in search of easy prey.  
  
"WE ARE LOST" snapped the monk hands on her hips, glaring at the cleric  
  
Ok maybe not quiet.  
  
"We are not lost," replied Benni the cleric in a cheerful tone "Malfay gave us the gate potions instead of the beer.  
  
"I knew that." Hiss monk "What do you think, that I thought POK has turn into some EVIL, TROLL INFESTED SWAMP!" The slender human shook in a barely control rage "LOST!"  
  
The word lost echoed several times in the bleak swamp. The human paused, took a deep breath and continue with her verbal attack "No allies, No Measure of safety. We are going to head up dead and rotting and probably end up as some twice cursed shadow knight troll's pet."  
  
Now Monk had say troll like being a dark elf or human shadow knight's pet would be preferred over being the undead minion to a troll shadow knight. Benni being a Bristlebane cleric (meaning she was a general troublemaker) asked her about it. Benni was rewarded by monk's skin turn a striking shade of red that was a very odd contrasted to her black hair, black eyes, and black leather. If monk had some horns and a tail she would look like some goody two shoes Paladin's arch villain.  
  
Monk meanwhile was sputtering and hissing. One hand jerked around like it was trying to find a way to escape before the human exploded. Now Benni's amusement was destroyed by a sly horrible thought that perhaps it would not be such a good idea to enrage someone that can have you dead with their bare hands before you blink. Benni smiled. In her mind it was a warm smile- one that put people at ease. To everyone else it looked like the halfling was about to sell the Greater Faydwer Wizard spires for scrap stone.  
  
"Look on the bright side. You wanted an adventure and now here we are on an adventure." Said the cleric holding her hands out. The human woman frowned; arms folded and raised one eyebrow at this rather hamfisted tactic for looking at the bright side.  
  
"Think of everything you can kill." Purred the halfing  
  
The monk brightened. She did like to practice her art on lesser creatures immensely. Benni's high iota smile dimmed slightly as she wondered why she teased her friend, it was similar to teasing a dragon.  
  
A twig snapped. The two heroines turned. The human instinctively block the very friend that earlier she had been imagining drop kicking into the next zone.  
  
"Did Mister Bristlebane send you?" asked the person in cultural gentle tone who expected form high elves or erudites. It caused a momentary loss of brain functions due to the fact it was coming from the most unlikely source- a scarred up troll.  
  
Now clerics think slow. That doesn't mean they are stupid. Maybe it would be better to say they think big. They are always thinking; which spell will be most useful to the group? How long do I need to wait to cast greater heal on warrior to make the most of the mana? Do I cast blessing and bravery on the group or let someone handle the buffs? Do I heal the moron puller who pull the entire throne room again, the caster who attacks the monster that wasn't anyone else target for the fourth time? All these thoughts go around and around. Considering, planning, thinking about this particular strange experience dropped into the bubbling stew that is the cleric's mind. When you are thinking vast, it takes at least four small moments.  
  
Warriors, rogues, monks and other melee types tend not to be big thinkers. The human was no exception. "The troll is not my friend and I can kill it." Were in fact the very thoughts that pass in military precision through her mind before she leaped forward with a Wu's fighting stick in each hand.  
  
While the monk and the troll battled. Perhaps battle is the wrong word. The troll was trying very hard and only being modestly successful in not being beaten to death. Benni grasped. As the monk dodged a blow, the cleric reached out and grabbed the end of the human's long black braid. Now if they had not been in a muddy swamp, the monk would have easily escape her friend's gasp and continue to kill the troll. Luckily for the troll, the battle was in the middle of a swamp. Monk's feet slipped out from under her. As she landed on her butt in the slick stinky mud, Benni got a better hold on friend's braid. With a wave of her free hand and a few quick words the troll was healed. The human was struggling.  
  
Now the troll was slowly backing away, his eyes shifting nervously. Benni sighed. The dumb troll was going to back himself into a kobold and then he would be troll kabob. She could see the burly kobolds in the distance. So far none had noticed the three poor souls. Benni glance at the monk. Benni knew she would survive most likely but the human and the troll would be dead.  
  
"ROOT "she shouted and magical vines leap up circling the troll's feet to prevent him from killing himself  
  
"Now who did you say was going to send you help?" she ask politely  
  
The troll was turning a dark shade of green and his black eyes were huge in fear. "Uh a Mister Fritztop Bristlebane, ma'am." He said "He looked similar to you so I thought perhaps. I am sorry if I made a mistake. "  
  
Monk interrupted "LET ME GO! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN I AM GOING TO KILL THE TROLL"  
  
Benni was surprise that monk had not had a outburst before now. Of course a new problem now presented itself. The situation was now similar to grabbing a gnoll by the tail. He can't attack but once you let go your butt is puppy chow.  
  
"The troll is here because of Bristlebane. We are here because of a comedic mix-up. We are clearly destined to help the troll in his quest to ..." the cleric paused and look up from her friend "What is your quest?"  
  
"Quest? You mean my goals? I would have to state that my immediate goals would be not having your companion kill me and located Mr. Bristlebane's help. However my main goals would be rescue my Luce and return home." At the mention of the name Luce, the troll's features shifted to a starry eyed dreamy look.  
  
Then suddenly his face became pained and hard. "These people kidnap her from my home. I promise to protect her and I failed." A big fat tear rolled down his warty cheek. "Ok. Ok. Ok. "Mumbled the cleric in soothing tones "now what is Luce? That doesn't sound trollish?" She walked over and patted the troll on the arm. The troll had these big fat tears and was making very soft sad noises. "Trollish?" spoke the troll roughly "Luce is a beauty without compare. She is like the sun on your face, the scent of fresh roses- "Hey Ugly!" snapped the monk Benni frowned realizing that she had made a serious mistake. She had let go of her friend's braid. After that gnoll, it would seem that she would have learn that lesson, she thought to herself. Monk bounced to her feet effortless. A rather sly smile crossed her face giving her a predatory look. "We are looking for something more solid." Spoke Monk in slowly as if speaking to particularly dumb child "Size, hair color, race, you dumb Troll," The Troll jumped as monk spoke. Benni guess it was from nearly being beaten to death with someone's fist not five minutes before. "Luce is perfect. " Monk growled. "She is as tiny and lithe as a cat. Her hair is long and flowing and thick and smells like sandalwood. It is this dark brown that is like rich good Earth. Her skin is soft and pale as if made from moonbeams. Her eyes have captured the beauty of a perfect sky and her lips the-OUCH" Monk had hit the troll on the head with the Wu's walking stick. The troll took a step back only to have the monk used the second Wu's walking stick to sweep his legs from under him. She stood above him smirking. "I am Monk. That halfing is Benni. She's a cleric. " "It is a pleasure to meet you Monk and you Benni." "What do you do for a living Troll?" ask Monk "I am an IT guy." He said still lying in the mud "what do you do ma'am?" Monk blinked. "I am a monk, Troll." Rolland's head move slightly to the left and one eye twitched. "Your name is Monk and you are a monk." Monk the monk nodded her head slightly. The troll opened his mouth and then closed it. Whatever he was going to say remain unsaid. Benni was glad he was smarter than he looked. "And troll what is your name and what is a IT guy?" snarled Monk Benni smiled pleased that her friend had taken to the strange troll. Then the troll said something that made Benni what sort of madness lay before them. The troll frowned and sat up. He took a deep breath and asked very politely "Please stop referring to me as Troll. It isn't very nice. I am not a troll." Benni's eyebrows shot up disappearing into her hairline. Monk rolled her eyes and snapped at her friend "You and your damn crazy god."  
  
Author notes.  
  
I hope you enjoy this chapter. I would like to take the time to thank my reviewer BoxieRoxie for her very nice review Very nice start. cant wait to read more. BoxieRoxie gets this free batwing crunchies cearl brought to you by the same people that brought you edible goo and rat steaks! Rodentia Chef INC making good stuff out of rodents since that freak accident. Please review because BoxieRoxie might get lonely being the only reviewer!  
  
Next Chapter-Troll reveals his name and more about Luce. Also freaks out a bit about being a troll. Who wouldn't. 


End file.
